Chuck's Blog

Disarming America . . .

If I offend anyone with this….I don’t give a crap..

In late March 2013, 17 year old De’Marquis Elkins shot and killed
an 13 month old baby who was sitting in a stroller.

Elkins shot the infant in the face after the mother refused to give him money.

He also shot the mother in the leg and the neck in Brunswick, GA.

De’Marquis Elkins is not a member of the NRA.

He did not use an assault rifle.

He did not get his stolen pistol from a gun show.

His favorite music is rap.

He did not attend Christian school, nor was he home schooled.

He did attend multicultural public education,
and was not instructed in the Ten Commandments.

His Momma was on welfare, got food stamps, and lived in public housing.

His daddy was not around, and his two brothers have a different daddy.

He already has a record for violent crimes.

He is gang member.

His mom, grandma, and Aunty all voted for Obama.

He never earned his hunter safety card, nor did he shoot CMP,
Junior NRA, or 4H Air Rifle Competitions.

He was never instructed in gun safety from his father or grandfather.

His public education and family taught him that the white man owes him something.

He went to collect it.

He has no plans on getting married, but does have a Baby Momma, and no,
he is not supporting her baby.

He smokes dope.

He does respect Kayne West.

While he has no job, nor is looking for one, he is well fed.

He has no skills outside of crime.

He speaks Ebonics, and is not capable of doing a professional
interview, even though he spent 11 years in public education.

He is one of millions.

This is what we are up against. Make no mistake that people like
Elkins will have their guns. There are people wanting to deny
you the right to arm yourself. Your tax dollars are paying for
the continuation of a system that breeds pieces of shit like this one.

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 4/16/2013

10 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex?

A snake just bit me on the tip of my penis.

Lapsed membership in AARP

My Deer Feeder is better than yours!

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10 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex?

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can’t just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partner’s mouth while you get off is hot. It depends on the situation.?

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and you’re all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It’s a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it’s not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after a while. A little snuggling isn’t unreasonable, but when it’s time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that’s nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down your throats, sex is NOT just about women. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I’m pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he’s pushing, skippy? Because you aren’t doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he’s given you. Pay attention to the signals that he’s sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

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Buying from Amazon? Please click on the link at the top of my blog. This costs you nothing and gives me a few cents on every order. This helps to off-set the cost of the blog. Thanks, Chuck
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Two friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,

A snake just bit me on the tip of my penis.

The other friend said, “don’t worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!”.
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.

“Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!” the friend says.

“It’s ok”, the doctor says, “all you have to do is suck the poison out.”.

The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, “WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?”
,the other friend replies, “doctor said you gonna die!”

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Lapsed membership in AARP

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My Deer Feeder is better than yours!

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama

A LICK AND A PROMISE”

‘I’ll just give this a lick and a promise,’ my mother said as she quickly mopped up a spill on the floor without moving any of the furniture.

‘What is that supposed to mean,’ I asked as in my young mind I envisioned someone licking the floor with his or her tongue.

‘It means that I’m in a hurry and I’m busy canning tomatoes so I am going to just give it a lick with the mop and promise to come back and do the job right later.

‘A lick and a promise’ was just one of the many old phrases that our mothers, grandmothers, and others used that they probably heard from the generations before them. With the passing of time, many old phrases become obsolete or even disappear. This is unfortunate because some of them are very appropriate and humorous. Here is a list of some of those memorable old phrases:

1. A Bone to Pick (someone who wants to discuss a disagreement)

2. An Axe to Grind (Someone who has a hidden motive. This phrase is said to have originated from Benjamin Franklin who told a story about a devious man who asked how a grinding wheel worked. He ended up walking away with his axe sharpened free of charge)

3. One bad apple spoils the whole barrel (one corrupt person can cause all the others to go bad if you don’t remove the bad one)

4. At sea (lost or not understanding something)

5. Bad Egg (Someone who was not a good person)

6. Barking at a knot (meaning that your efforts were as useless as a dog barking at a knot.)

7. Barking up the wrong tree (talking about something that was completely the wrong issue with the wrong person)

8. Bee in your bonnet (To have an idea that won’t let loose )

9. Been through the mill (had a rough time of it)

10.Between hay and grass (Not a child or an adult)

11. Blinky (Between sweet and sour as in milk)

12. Calaboose (a jail)

13. Catawampus (Something that sits crooked such as a piece of furniture sitting at an angle)

14. Dicker (To barter or trade)

15. Feather in Your Cap (to accomplish a goal. This came from years ago in wartime when warriors might receive a feather they would put in their cap for defeating an enemy)

16. Hold your horses (Be patient!)

17. Hoosegow ( a jail)

18. I reckon (I suppose)

19. Jawing/Jawboning (Talking or arguing)

20. Kit and caboodle (The whole thing)

21. Madder than an wet hen (really angry)

22. Needs taken down a notch or two (like notches in a belt usually a young person who thinks too highly of himself and needs a lesson)

23.No Spring Chicken (Not young anymore)

24.Persnickety (overly particular or snobbish)

25.Pert-near (short for pretty near)

26.Pretty is as pretty does (your actions are more important than your looks)

27 Puny ( Not feeling well, sometimes refers to the size of a person when smaller than usual)

28.Red up (clean the house)

29.Scalawag (a rascal or unprincipled person)

30 Scarce as hen’s teeth (something difficult to obtain)

31.Skedaddle (Get out of here quickly)

32 Sparking (courting)

33 .Straight From the Horse’s Mouth (privileged information from the one concerned)

34 .Stringing around, gallivanting around, or piddling (Not doing anything of value)

35 .Sunday go to meetin’ dress (The best dress you had)

36 .We wash up real fine (is another goodie)

37 .Tie the Knot (to get married)

38.Too many irons in the fire (to be involved in too many things)

39.Tuckered out (tired and all worn out)

40. Under the weather (not feeling well this term came from going below deck on ships due to sea sickness thus you go below or under the weather)

41.Wearing your ‘best bib and tucker’ (Being all dressed up)

42. You ain’t the only duck in the pond (It’s not all about you)

Well, if you hold your horses, I reckon I’ll get this whole kit and caboodle done and sent off to you. Please don’t be too persnickety and get a bee in your bonnet because I’ve been pretty tuckered out and at sea lately because I’m no spring chicken. I haven’t been just stringin’ around and I know I’m not the only duck in the pond, but I do have too many irons in the fire. I might just be barking at a knot, but I have tried to give this article more than just

A LICK & A PROMISE!

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 4/3/2013

Have you ever paid for sex?

A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor.

Short video exposing Condition 1 weather.

Sexy Ladies
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A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the pre screening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.

“Have you ever paid for sex?” the woman asked my friend’s husband sweetly.?

Glancing wearily over at his wife, trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, he sighed, “Every time.”

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Buying from Amazon? Please click on the link at the top of my blog. This costs you nothing and gives me a few cents on every order. This helps to off-set the of the blog. Thanks, Chuck
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A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor.

When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove his clothes and wait in the next room.

“I just hurt my toe,” complained the man. “Why do I need to take off my clothes?

“Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress,” explained the nurse politely. “It’s our policy.”

“Well, I think it’s a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez”

From the next room another man’s voice piped up. . . “That’s nothing! I just came here to fix the telephone!”

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Short video exposing Condition 1 weather.

http://ourlighterside.com/2013/04/01/antarctica-condition-1-weather/

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Sexy Ladies (Click to enlarge)

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama

THE NIGHT WATCHMAN

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.”

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So, they created a planning department and hired two people, One person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”
So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer Then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year And we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.”

So they laid-off the night watchman.

NOW, slowly, let it sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter…

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration?

Anybody?

Anything?

No?

Didn’t think so!

Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an Agency, the reason for which very few people who read this can remember! Ready??

It was very simple… And at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY was instituted on 8/04/1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND NOW IT’S 2012 — 35 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET

FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR.

IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY

100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!

(THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY,

“WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)

34 years ago, 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports.

Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.

Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.

NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?

Hello!! Anybody Home?

Signed, The Night Watchman

The Corn Palace of South Dakota

How is Sausage made?

Most people say they don’t want to know what goes in the sausage. But I’ve always wanted to know! So when I got the chance to tour a sausage factory, I jumped at it.

Read more…

Demands of Kidnapper & CHINESE Negotiators

Click here for : Chinese Negotiators

A Thought for the Day

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor
and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect
each from the other.

12,000 year old unexplained structure