English Lesson

Written by chuck on September 3, 2014 – 12:00 pm -

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for a consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction! The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”

The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.


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Funny Stuff

Written by chuck on September 3, 2014 – 8:44 am -

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Why we need a camera

Written by chuck on September 1, 2014 – 2:01 pm -

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I met an older woman at a bar last night.

Written by chuck on August 30, 2014 – 11:35 am -

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? ‘What’s that? I asked.

‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like,

I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’ We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, tonight’s you’re lucky night.’

We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: ‘Mom…you still awake?


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Bill Clinton, Fidel Castro and Valdimir Putin all die and go to hell

Written by chuck on August 30, 2014 – 7:22 am -

Bill Clinton, Fidel Castro and Valdimir Putin all die and go to hell, While there they spy a red phone and ask what the phone was for.

The Devil tells them its for calling back to earth. Putin ask the devil to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the Devil informs him that the cost is 1 million dollars, So Putin writes him a check.

Next Castro calls Cuba and talks for 30 minutes. When he is finished the Devil informs him that his bill is 6 million dollars, So Castro writes him a check.

Finally Bill Clinton gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the Devil informed him there was no charge for the call and he could call the USA anytime.

When Putin and Castro hear this they go ballistic and ask the Devil why Clinton got to call the USA for free. The Devil replied ” Since Obama became President of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so its a local call”.


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4 “G” Rated Jokes & Funny Video

Written by chuck on August 29, 2014 – 8:55 am -

Well, the last joke could be rated PG! :biggrin

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner at 5:30pm, unannounced, after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?”

“Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

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THE IRS INQUIRY

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them”.

Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.

Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally”.

IRS AUDITOR: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one”.

Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know”?

arrows3_Down_swirl_ani1013

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? ‘What’s that? I asked. ‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.

As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’ We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘tonight’s you’re lucky night.’ We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: ‘Mom…you still awake?

arrows3_Down_swirl_ani1013

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”

No one moved. The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.” Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

arrows3_Down_swirl_ani1013

Canadian Police Chase


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Free cats with every mortgage!

Written by chuck on August 27, 2014 – 1:22 pm -

A Russian bank has come up with an unusual strategy to get clients to buy their mortgage products: they’re throwing in a cat with each purchase.

Sberbank, one of the country’s largest banks, lets its clients choose from one of 10 breeds of feline that will be delivered to their new home in time for the housewarming party.

The bad news for customers (but the good news for the cats) is that they won’t be able to keep the animals, which are only intended to enter the property before the owner – a Russian symbol of good luck.

Read more with photos


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This dog is NOT happy at the vet

Written by chuck on August 26, 2014 – 5:14 pm -


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Birth of Candy Bar

Written by chuck on August 26, 2014 – 8:47 am -

Cat Dance ols 8-28-14birth of a candy bar


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India had already gone wireless 300 years ago!

Written by chuck on August 26, 2014 – 5:45 am -

Incredible Findings

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Italian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Italian’s, in the weeks that followed, a Chinese archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the China Daily read: ‘Chinese archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Italian’s.

One week later, the Punjab Times, a local newspaper in India, reported the following:

After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Amritsar, in the Indian state of Punjab, a self-taught archaeologist reported that he found absolutely nothing.

He has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, India had already gone wireless.


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