The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

Written by chuck on July 6, 2014 – 4:21 pm -

mexican maid

The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.”

“The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”

Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”

Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Maria: “Jor hozban did.”

Wife, increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.

Wife: “And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Señora….the gardener did.”

Wife: “So, how much do you want?”


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Sometimes you just need …

Written by chuck on July 6, 2014 – 3:00 pm -

0xth2fsa


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How One Shoe Can Change a Family Picture

Written by chuck on July 6, 2014 – 12:44 pm -

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Make Ice Cream Going Down the Road !

Written by chuck on July 6, 2014 – 11:23 am -

:D :? :biggrin :D

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How did this crap happen?

Written by chuck on July 6, 2014 – 11:18 am -

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Men are the same at any age!

Written by chuck on July 6, 2014 – 10:55 am -

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ANOTHER CHAPTER OF “THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!”

Written by chuck on July 3, 2014 – 3:00 pm -

Actual call center conversations!

Customer:     ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through;

                       can you help?’
Operator:       ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer:     ‘It’s on the door of your business.’
Operator:       ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’

———————————————————————-

Samsung Electronics

Caller:          ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator:     ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking  about.’
Caller:          ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states  that?
                   I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
                   telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give  me the
                   number for Jack?’
Operator:      ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’

———————————————————————-

RAC Motoring Services

Caller:         ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
                     traveling in Australia ?’
Operator:     ‘Does the policy name give you a clue?’

———————————————————————-

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
‘If I register my car in France , and then take it to England, do I
have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’

———————————————————————-

Directory Enquiries

Caller:  ‘I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the  spelling is correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’  fell off.’

———————————————————————-

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:        ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller:             ‘Yes.. That’s what it says on the label — Woven in Scotland ….’

———————————————————————-

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up
the window to write the number on.’

———————————————————————-

Tech Support:      ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer:             ‘OK.’
Tech Support:      ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer:             ‘No.’
Tech Support:      ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer:             ‘No.’
Tech Support:      ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?’
Customer:            ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’, so I got a
                              Sharpie and wrote ‘click’ on my desktop. Didn’t change anything!’

———————————————————————-

Tech Support:      ‘OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen,  can  you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer:             ‘Wow! How can you see my screen from there?’

———————————————————————-

Caller:  ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized  that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’


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Russian Tampax Commercial

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 6:33 pm -


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How-To Install a Ceiling Fan With Savannah

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 4:18 pm -

Upgrading to a new ceiling fan can not only make your room look a lot nicer but it will help save you money on your electricity bill. Follow Savannah through the steps on installing a ceiling fan yourself.


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They Walk Among Us

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 7:00 am -

They Walk Among Us(and live)
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64
charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made
a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me
she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned
the money again. I gave her the Money back… same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over
at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re
already buy-one-get-one-free,” she said, “so I guess they’re
both free.” She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the
door.

They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when
one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked
up at the sky and said, “Where”?

They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want
the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun
rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises
in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said,
“Oh I don’t keep up with all that stuff.”

They Walk Among Us!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day
I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center
was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific
time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases
were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went
to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,”
she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?”

They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.”


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