Chuck's Blog

Theater Seats For Seniors

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
“Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”

The old man just groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the
manager.”

Once again, the old man just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he
returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled
man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right
buddy what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred
replied, “The balcony.”

Joke for the Day

A group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says to the girl, “What are you doing?”
She says, “I’m going to commit suicide.”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” he didn’t want to miss a ‘be-a-legend’ opportunity either so he asked: “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets visual approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed…….

BEST BAR JOKE EVER

Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there’s a robot bartender!

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Whiskey.”

The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “168.”

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious.
So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Whiskey.”

Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “100.”

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Whiskey,” and the robot brings him his whiskey.

The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy with Obama?”

I am NOT a meteorologists!

The DOT! Finally someone has cleared this up.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States.

If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical advice.

Bear surprises Samsung crew on washing machine shoot

Fun stuff about Texas

This is a must read for all Texans, Used-to-be Texans, Adopted Texans or Wannabe Texans:

JUST TEXAS
Comfort, Texas
Friendship, Texas
Paradise, Texas
Pep, Texas
Rainbow, Texas
Smiley, Texas
Sweet Home, Texas

Love the Sun?
Sun City, Texas
Sundown, Texas
Sunray, Texas
Sunrise, Texas
Sunset, Texas
Sunny Side, Texas

Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas
Noodle, Texas
Oatmeal, Texas
Orange, Texas
Pearland, Texas
Rice, Texas
Salty, Texas
Sugarland, Texas
Sweetwater, Texas
Trout, Texas
And top it off with
Turkey, Texas

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Boston, Texas
Cleveland, Texas
Colorado City, Texas
Columbus, Texas
Denver City, Texas
Detroit, Texas
Klondike, Texas
Memphis, Texas
Miami, Texas
Nevada, Texas
Pasadena, Texas
Reno, Texas
Santa Fe, Texas
Tennessee Colony, Texas

Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens, Texas
Canadian, Texas
China, Texas
Dublin, Texas

Egypt, Texas
Ireland, Texas
Italy, Texas
London, Texas
New London, Texas
Paris, Texas
Palestine, Texas
Turkey, Texas

No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse, Texas

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth, Texas

We even have a city named after our state
Texas City, Texas

Exhausted?
Energy, Texas

Cold?
Blanket, Texas
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?
Alamo, Texas
Goliad, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Robert Lee, Texas
Santa Anna, Texas

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas

Want to go into outer space?
Mars, Texas
Venus, Texas

You guessed it, it’s on the state line
Texline, Texas

For the kids
Elmo, Texas
Kermit, Texas
Nemo, Texas
Sylvester, Texas
Tarzan, Texas
Winnie, Texas

Other city names in Texas, to make you smile
Best, Texas
Veribest, Texas
Bigfoot, Texas
Cactus, Texas
Dime Box, Texas
Old Dime Box, Texas
Frognot, Texas
Hogeye, Texas
Kickapoo, Texas
Notrees, Texas
Telephone, Texas
Telegraph, Texas
Twitty, Texas
Whiteface, Texas

And last but not least, the Anti Al Gore City
Kilgore, Texas

And our favorites
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas
Gun Barrell City, Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
and, of course,
Muleshoe, Texas

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas.

If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas.

If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph, and you’re going 80, and everybody’s passing you, you may live in Texas.

If you find 60 degrees ‘a little chilly,’ you may live in Texas.

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas
Beaumont to El Paso – 742 miles
Beaumont to Chicago – 770 miles
El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

World’s first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883

The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
(Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008! )

The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full time coach at Rice University in Houston

Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America

Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America ‘s only remaining flock of whooping cranes

Jalapeno jelly originated in the town of Lake Jackson in 1978

The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.

The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was “Houston ,” but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.

The King Ranch in South Texas is larger than the state of Rhode Island.

Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43” in 24 hours in and around Alvin, Texas in July of 1979.

Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by treaty (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag

A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.

Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

Texas has had six capital cities:
Washington on the Brazos
Harrisburg
Galveston
Velasco
West Columbia
and
Austin

The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. that is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. (by 7 feet)

The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument

The name ‘Texas ‘ comes from the Hasini Indian word ‘tejas’ meaning friends.
Tejas is not Spanish for Texas

The State Mascot is the Armadillo (An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females)

The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston

Cowboy’s Ten Commandments
Posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas:
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin.’
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin’ before God.
(6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
(7) No killin.’
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don’t take what ain’t yers.
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff.

Y’all git all that?

Top 100 April Fool’s Day Hoaxes of All Time

Note from the Curator: I created the first version of this list in the late 1990s. Back then, there was hardly any information collected about April Fool’s Day pranks, so I had to do a lot of research in newspaper archives to put this together.

Read More:

20 Things That Have Changed In The Last 20 Years

Pizza, cell phone games, Social networking, etc…..

Wow have things changed!

DILEMMA

One friend said to the other, “What is a dilemma, actually?”
He replied, “Well, there’s nothing better than an example
to illustrate that. Imagine that you are laying in a big bed
with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man
on the other.
Who are you going to turn your back on?