Nancy Pelosi is a Saint
I think you’re the father of one of my kids.
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Nancy Pelosi is a Saint
One hot Saturday afternoon in July an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Cardinal of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington, D.C.
He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the Congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
“No,” the Cardinal replied. “I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views.”
Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.
At the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present.
“While Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some,” the Cardinal said to the congregation, “the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nitwit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
“But when compared to President Obama,” the Cardinal concluded, “Pelosi is a saint.”
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving
at him. She says “Hello!”
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?”
To which she says, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party,
the one I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my backside with wet celery?”
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.
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