Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 7/11/2012

Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband.

More Punographics

Swimsuit Season is here!

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Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and the heat was
up high. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.

“Oh my gosh, your husband is home. What am I going to do?”

“Aw, just stay in bed with me. He’s probably so drunk, he ain’t gonna
notice you here with me.”

The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than
the thought of getting caught in bed with Jill, so he trusted her
advice. Sure enough, Jill’s husband came crawling into bed and as he
pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.

“Honey!” he yelled, “What the heck is going on? I see six feet at the
end of the bed.”

“Dear, you’re so drunk, you can’t count. If you don’t believe me,
count them again.”

The husband got out of bed, and counted, “One, two, three, four… By
gosh, you’re right dear,” as he stumbled back into bed.
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More Punographics

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! Sod this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Man calls 999 and says “I think my wife is dead.” The operator says how do you know? He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is building up.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor – she only had £1.20 in her purse.

A wife says to her husband “You’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back.” He says “What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair.”

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said “I would like to come back as a cow.” I said “You’re obviously not listening.”

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I’ve been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist pigs. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the fcuking thing.

Local Police hunting the ‘Knitting Needle Nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some rocket salad yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it.

Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

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Swimsuit Season is here!

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama