Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 9/02/2010

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Rules of life

This is definitely full disclosure

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Rules of life

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
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This is definitely full disclosure……….

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.. See If They Slow Down.
2.Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice!
3.Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘ For Marijuana.
6.Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get…
7.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go’.
9.Sing Along At The Opera.
10.Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11.When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’
12.When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’
13.Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck