Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 8/17/10

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante

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Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women:

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital.

Bill Gates

Sixteen  reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than  women:

1)  Airplanes usually kill you quickly – a woman takes her  time.
2)  Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a  switch.                
3)  Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a “touch and  go.”
4)  Airplanes don’t object to a pre-flight inspection.
5)  Airplanes come with manuals to explain their  operation.
6)  Airplanes have strict weight and balance  limitations.
7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the  month.
8)  Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.
9)  Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you’ve flown  before.
10)  Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same  time.
11)  Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes.
12)  Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.
13)  Airplanes expect to be tied down.
14)  Airplanes don’t  comment on your piloting skills.
15)  Airplanes don’t whine unless something is really  wrong.

16)  However, when airplanes go quiet,  just like  women, it’s usually not  good
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.  

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.  
Nurse,’ he mumbles, from behind the mask ‘Are my testicles black?’
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
‘I don’t know,Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body.’ 
He struggles to ask again,  
‘Nurse, are my  testicles black?’  
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers… 
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his  testicles in the other, 
lifting and moving them   around and around gently. 
Then, she takes a close look and says, ‘No sir, they aren’t and I assure you, there’s nothing wrong
with them, Sir !!’ 
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 
‘” Thank you very much. That was   wonderful, but listen very, very closely……

Are – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k ?
________________________

Bill Gates

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck