Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/5/2010

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The Cremated Husband

FUNNY DEFINITIONS for today’s world

Lindsey Vonn

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated
and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out
on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
started talking to him…. 

“You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought
it with the insurance money!”

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in theashes
then said, “Remember that car you promised me? Well,
I also bought it with the insurance money!”
 
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her
fingers in the ashes she said, “Remember that diamond
ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!”

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said,
“Remember that blow job I promised you?” 
“Here it comes.”
_____________________

FUNNY DEFINITIONS for today’s world

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: An agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
________________________

Lindsey Vonn

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Chuck