Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 1/15/2010

Here is something else to worry about …I’m not really concerned about swine flu.
Here’s my concern…3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . . .Mad Cow disease…2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . .Avian flu…This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . .Swine flu. Next year is the year of the cock – Anybody else worried???

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Four Techniques to Make Her Wild with Desire and YOU happy ‘til dawn!

A Jewish man marries a black woman

Kitten and the bird

From a good American friend of mine who states this really does work!

Between being married a long time, and also being a woman, I can tell you blokes that there are certain things you can do to make your wife swoon. They aren’t difficult, anyone can do them and they are some of the sexiest things I can think of… and I have quite the imagination!!

So.Are you ready? Are you a real man? Wipe that drop of drool from the corner of your mouth and read on….

Technique #1 : Wet Hands (One of the best)

Yep, it is the wet hands technique. Certainly one of the most popular among most women of today who were recently polled for this article.
So simple.So exciting. You will leave her almost breathless.

·       Fill up the kitchen sink with hot water and add a few drops of a scented dish liquid. Not too many, you don’t want it to be harsh.There are many very nice scents out now, from vanilla and lavender to grapefruit. It is completely up to you.
·       With a soft cloth in your hands, plunge your hands into the water and get the cloth very wet.

Now, moving slowly and gently place a dish in the water and rub the cloth across the surface of it.. over and over again. Place the dish in clean rinse water and repeat until she is moaning with pleasure.

Technique #2: Vibrate Me Baby

This technique utilizes what many women think of as toys… It is a little more difficult and takes a little more muscle, but you being a big strong man, I know you can do it.. Extra credit on this one if you wear a black “wife beater” shirt at the same time. Are you man enough?

Carefully pull the vacuum out of where it has been stored. You know you want to. Plug it in and push ALL the right buttons. Slowly move back and forth and back and forth across the carpet, you will know when to move to a new spot. Move to the next spot and repeat as long as it takes to get results (I hear they are graded from A to G so keep it in mind as you work away and head for that G spot!).

Technique #3 : The Wet T Shirt Game

This game is pretty easy, although you will have to think quickly while in the midst of gettin’ your game on. If you can handle the amount of agitation and vibration in the
firstfew minutes you will be o. k. until the end.

You will need two piles… no I did not say poles, I said piles. Put everything white and light colored in one and everything dark colored in the other.
Fill the washing machine with warm water and laundry soap (this is imperative… use the amount suggested by the manufacturer).
Add the light pile. Close the lid. Write her a love letter about how great her eyes are while you are waiting for it to finish.

Repeat with the dark colors except use cold water. Quick note: If your wife is screaming “Yes! Yes! Yes!” don’t stop what you are doing.. that is called domestic us interruptus and it really is frustrating for women.

Technique #4: What Goes Up Must Come Down

This is best used as the quickie, whether in the middle of the night or during a chaotic afternoon. She can’t say no to this one. When you put the toilet seat up…. put it back down… Every time.

I know… I know.. you almost can’t take any more verbal titillation. Good thing this is a short list. This last one is amazing. It is incredible… it definitely saves the best for last.

You don’t have to thank me… no.. really. Good luck all you blokes out there.
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    A Jewish man marries a black woman, and they have a son. At about six years of age, one sunny summer day, their son comes running in the house and breathlessly say’s to his mother “mommy, mommy what am I?” His mother say’s “what do you mean?” “he says, am I black or Jewish?”

His mother artfully declares “ask you father!”

He then runs to his father and say’s, “daddy, daddy what am I?” His father decides it time to settle the issue and say’s, “it’s of no consequence son. Your mother and I love each other, enough to cross racial barriers and break down any divide. Society has accepted people for what they are and it now makes no difference. There’s no longer any stigma.

What on earth do you want to know for? What possible difference could it make anyway?” The son replies, “Billy down the street wants to sell his bike and I don’t know whether or not to Jew him down or just steal it.”
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Kitten and the bird

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck