Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 11/9/2009

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Man: “May I buy you a cocktail?”

Simple home remedies that really work!

Tim Tebow

Man  goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a lady sitting by herself…
Man: “May I buy you a cocktail?”
Lady: “No, thank you. Alcohol is bad for my legs.”
Man: “Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?” 
Lady: “No, they spread.”
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Simple home remedies that really work!

1..  AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE ~ WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
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Tim Tebow

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck