Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 7/3/2009

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St. Peter was checking them in

The Magic Penis!

Muslin Pussy

Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson were all waiting to get into Heaven and St. Peter was checking them in.

He explained that they could all could choose their Eternity based upon whatever they missed the most on Earth and if God and the Board of Directors of Heaven decided they had earned it they could stay.

St. Peter asked Ed what he missed the most about Earth.

Ed said, “I missed Johnny and doing the Tonight Show”. 

POOF – Ed was suddenly sitting on a couch in an Armani suit, John Ritter to his left, Johnny Carson behind his desk and Johnny Cash taking the stage.  Ed was happier then he could ever have imagined! 

Ed asked, “How did I ever get this”? 

Johnny looked over and said, “I’m on the Board, Ed”.

Farrah stepped up and St. Peter asked her the same question. 

She answered, “I miss my hair, my youth and critical acclaim”.  POOF! 

Farrah was onstage in all of her former glory, holding an Oscar for Best Actress and Katherine and Audrey Hepburn were in the front row applauding her, along with every Hollywood Great while she made her acceptance speech.

Farrah asked how she deserved all of that.  John Forsythe stepped out and said “Angel, I’m on the Board”.

Michael Jackson then approached St. Peter.

“Well, Michael”, St. Peter asked – “What do you miss the most about Earth”?

“Neverland” he whispered.

BAM!

Michael Jackson found himself sitting in a retirement home surrounded by people over 70, elevator music and Bubbles was in a cage in the center of the room while outside, beyond enormous glass windows was an amusement park and a zoo with children running all over the place.

Michael cried out “How could this have happened”?

That’s when Elvis walked up and said, “I am KING of the Board and you did name it Neverland”.
________________________

 ”The Magic Penis!”

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought
he’d buy his wife some thing to keep her occupied.  He went to a sex
shop & explained his situation.  The man there said, ‘Well, I don’t
know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks,
except… ”The Magic Penis!”
The husband said, ‘The what’?  
The man repeated, ‘The Magic Penis,’ and pulled out what seemed to be
an ordinary dildo.  
The husband laughed, and said, ‘It looks like a dildo!’ 
The man then pointed to the door and said, ‘Magic Penis, the door!’
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started
pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
vibrations. Then the man said, ‘Magic Penis, return to box!’ and the
penis stopped & returned to the box. 
 
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband
had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis.  She
undressed, opened the box and said ‘Magic Penis, my crotch.’ The penis
shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible.  After three mind
shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d
had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck.  Her husband
had neglected to tell her how to turn it off.  So she put on her
clothes, got in her c ar and started for the nearest hospital.  
 
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over
the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her
over.  He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to
drink.
  
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, ‘I haven’t had anything to drink
officer. You see, I’ve got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and
it won’t stop screwing me…’  
 
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,
‘Yeah right….  Magic Penis, my ass…!’ 
  
The rest, as they say, is history…
________________________

Muslin Pussy

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Thanks,

Chuck