Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 6/26/2009

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When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

From the London Times

How to hold on while the train is in motion in order to avoid falling

       
Oprah asked,’ Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.’
       
Mr. Burns said, ‘I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.’
       
Oprah said, ‘I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age..’
       
George said, ‘Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.’
       
Oprah said, ‘I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?’
       
So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, ‘I just don’t believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.’
       
George said, ‘The second time is even better than the first time.’
       
Oprah said, ‘You can really do it again at your age?’!
       
George said, ‘Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.’
       
When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy.
       
She said, ‘Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time… At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!’
       
George said that the third time would be even better. ‘You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes.’
       
Oprah said, ‘Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?’
       
George said, ‘No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!’
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From the London Times

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England , there is a parking lot for 150
cars and 8 coaches, or buses.

It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine
charging cars about $1.40 and coaches about $7.

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years.
A nice man working in his little hut by himself. Never missing a day of work.

Then, one day, he just didn’t turn up for work.

“Oh well,” said Bristol Zoo Management, “we’d better phone up the City Council and  get them to send a new parking attendant…”

“Err … no,” said the Council, “that parking lot is your responsibility.”

“Err … no,” said Bristol Zoo Management, “the attendant was employed
by the City Council, …wasn’t he?”

” … NO!” insisted the Council, “we have no one on our payroll.”

Probably sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain , is a bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at about $560 per day, at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million!  Quite a nest egg!

And no one even knows his name!!
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How to hold on without falling

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Chuck