Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/31/2008

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Easy Albert, we won’t be long, easy, boy

GASH

Bartender under stress

A woman is in a grocery store and sees grandpa and his poorly-behaving 3 year-old grandson. At every turn, it’s obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, “Easy Albert, we won’t be long, easy, boy”

Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, “It’s OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be outta here, hang in there.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, “Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don’t get upset — we’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert”.

Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he’s loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, “You know sir, it’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa”.

“Thanks, lady,” said Gramps, “but I’m Albert, the little brat’s name is Johnny”.
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GASH

A man returns from a trip to Amsterdam and is feeling very ill. He goes to
see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series
of tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital
and the phone by his bed rings.”This is your doctor,” says the voice on the
phone. “We have the results back from your tests, and I’m sorry, you have an
extremely contagious and deadly sexually transmitted disease known as
G.A.S.H.”G.A.S.H?” replies the patient. “What the hell is that?”"It’s a
combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes,” explains the
doctor.”My gosh, Doc!” screams the man in a panic, “what are we going to
do?”"Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita
bread,” says the doctor matter-of-factly.”Will that cure me?”"Well no,” says
the doctor, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

________________________

Bartender under stress

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Chuck