Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 9/18/2008

Please tell your friends about OLS…Thanks!

Are you one of those who thinks there’s no difference between Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin???
Remember this, if she shot you in the face, it would really be because she meant to!

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run

Destitute Refugee

Jerk

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the other is usually the husband.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else
to take care of first: the truck, The car, email, fishing, always
something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to
make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone
only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

‘When you finish cutting the grass,’ I said, ‘you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________

Destitute Refugee

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside a Maryland immigration office.

My good man,’ the fairy said, ‘I’ve been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and three children.’

The man told the fairy. ‘Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.’

The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and — PING! — he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

‘What else?’ asked the fairy, ‘two more to go.’

The refugee claimant now got bolder. ‘I need a big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here..

‘ PING! – In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

‘One more wish’, said the fairy, waving her wand.

‘Yes, one more wish.

I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these tore cloths, and a baseball cap instead of this turban. And I want to have white skin like Americans.

PING! – The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

‘What happened to my new teeth?’ he wailed. ‘Where is my new house?’

The fairy said ‘Tough shit, Mac, Now that you are a White American, you have to get a job and fend for yourself.’ And she disappeared!

________________________

Jerk

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck