OUR LIGHTER SIDE 9/25/2007

Written by chuck on September 24, 2007 – 9:27 pm -

I have thousands of readers, but only a handful of readers send me jokes. Please send jokes and stuff to OLS and I will post your stuff! ols@ourlighterside.com

What I Learned on the Computer

Scientists today exhumed Beethoven from his grave

Happy Birthday Carrie! 26 years old………

What I Learned on the Computer

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
Poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to
Use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
Sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open
For the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
Sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the
Hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
Change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
Participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
Angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena
Has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
Actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
Feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
Answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends
And make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
Because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone
Along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl
In my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people
Who make these products are atheists who refuse to put
“Under God” on their cans

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
Causes cancer.

Or do I freeze water in plastic bottles because it will also cause cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of
Water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up
In my face…disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
Because I could be pricked with a needle infected with
AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
Drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
They are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
Don’t support our American troops or the Salvation
Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
Me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill
With calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore , and
Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
Since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine
Because a big brown African spider is lurking under
The seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
Butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up
$5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably
Was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath
My car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas
From certain gas companies!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000
People in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
Diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
Afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
Your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know
This will occur because it actually happened to a
Friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s
Second husband’s cousin’s beautician…

Have a wonderful day….

Oh, by the way…..A South American scientist from
Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that
People with insufficient brain activity read their
E-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

________________________

Scientists today exhumed Beethoven from his grave, when they opened the coffin, they were shocked to see him playing the piano backwards.

When asked what this meant a spokesman said he was de-composing

________________________

Today, my daughter, Carrie turns 26 year old! WOW, it seems like yesterday, I was taking her to Chuckie Cheese and worrying she would get hurt on the slide.

If you would like to fill up her mail box wishing her a happy birthday, her address is: E-mail Carrie

dvansmom@bellsouth.net

**********************************
Electronic Repair Company

Quality service since 1972.

Stereo, turntable, band equipment, VCR etc.

Quality service since 1972

**********************************

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Our Lighter side is an electronic newsletter published five days a week and sent to you from Birmingham, AL.

Please tell your friends about OLS! Would your friends enjoy receiving “Our Lighter Side”?

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: E-mail OLS

Thanks,

Chuck


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