Chuck's Blog

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 8/31/2007

I have thousands of readers, but only a handful of readers send me jokes. Please send jokes and stuff to OLS and I will post your stuff! ols@ourlighterside.com

Whaling

Southerners

Old Folks Are Worth A Fortune!

Whaling

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, ‘Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the
same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.’ They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, ‘lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.’

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. ‘What’s the matter darling?’

‘Look love,’ she said, ‘I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.’

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Southerners

Two business men from “up North” are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn’t ready — only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, “I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hillbilly from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, “What’re y’all sellin’ here?”

One of the men replies, “Oh! We’re selling assholes here?

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, “Well, I see y’all’re doing really good, you only got two left!”?

YANKEES (God bless ‘em) SHOULD NOT MESS WITH SOUTHERNERS.

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Old Folks Are Worth A Fortune!

Remember that old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs.

I’ve become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life, since then. Frankly, I’ve become quite a frivolous old girl! I’m seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along and when he’s here he takes a lot of my attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!

The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am – in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself, “NOW, WHAT AM I HERE AFTER?”

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks,

Chuck